Unusually Stupid Crime Of
The Month |
A man who broke into the animal pound
at Kingaroy to steal his own dog rather than pay the small fee necessary
to reclaim it discovered the meaning of "false economy" this month. When
police arrived on his doorstep to question him about the incident, they not
only discovered the missing dog - they also found 20 marijuana plants
in the backyard. The man now faces a string of charges for break-and-enter,
theft and illegal cultivation and will likely face several thousand dollars
in fines and/or a term in prison. Cost to quietly reclaim the dog? About
$20.
(Source: The South Burnett Times,
Kingaroy) |
|
Manchester: Unknown hackers
managed to break into the telephone system of Weight Watchers in Glasgow
over the Christmas/New Year break. They changed the outgoing voicemail message
to "Hello, you fat bastard".
(Source: Manchester Evening News - Spotter:
Joan Robinson)
Brisbane: Woodridge by-election
candidate Nigel Freemarijuana had something of an up-and-down campaign early
this month. Centrelink offices are obliged to assist the unemployed with
facilities such as free photocopying for job applications, so unemployed
Nigel made liberal use of the facilities in his fervent pursuit of a job
as a politician. However, Centrelink was eventually forced to ban him from
their offices after he ran up an extraordinary bill producing huge quantities
of electioneering pamphlets. [Footnote: Mr. Freemarijuana obtained
364 votes in the February by-election and came fourth, beating two independents
and the local Democrat candidate in the process].
(Source: Courier-Mail, Brisbane)
Australia: Gateway Computers
were forced to issue a nation-wide recall of their famous "Gateway Stress
Cows" this summer after becoming aware that there was a possible risk of
a small child choking on the soft foam product if they bit off a small part
of it. Unknown numbers of the cows had been widely distributed by the company
at trade shows, fairs and exhibitions between 1996 and 1999. In nationwide
press ads, Gateway has invited Australian consumers to return the stress
cows in exchange for a Gateway branded item "of comparable value". A company
spokesman said that the product recall was "pretty stressful".
(Source: The Australian)
Helpful
Clarifications |
Derby:: 'We apologise for the
error in the last edition, in which we stated that "Mr. Fred Nicolme is a
Defective in the Police Force". This was a typographical error. We meant,
of course, that Mr.Nicolme is a Detective in the Police Farce.'
(Source: Derby Abbey Community News)
Churchdown:: 'Would the congregation
please note that the bowl at the back of the church labelled "For The Sick"
is for monetary donations only.'
(Source: Churchdown Parish News) |
|
Arkansas: Police in West Memphis
had little trouble tracking down a man in a wheelchair who allegedly robbed
a Kreme Kup dairy bar but made the mistake of leaving a paper trail. According
to reports, the robbery suspect ordered a Double Jumbo Cheeseburger, then
wrote a stick-up note on the back of a personal cheque and handed it to the
waitress.
(Source: CNN Fringe Mail)
Frankfurt: German police also
had little trouble tracking down Alexander Nemeth when he attempted to blackmail
the Nestle food company by lacing jars of mustard, mayonnaise and sauce with
poison and placing them on supermarket shelves all over Frankfurt. Nemeth
wrote to the company demanding $14 million to call off his campaign and asked
for the payoff to be made in diamonds, which were to be placed in small pouches
around the necks of a basketful of pigeons he provided. Instead, police simply
placed small radio transmitters in the pouches and let the pigeons find their
way home, then arrested him. Nemeth was subsequently found guilty on three
charges of extortion and six of poisoning food and was sentenced to 11 years
in jail.
(Source: New Vision, Frankfurt)
Baffling Crime Of The
Month |
Mexico: "Our investigation into
the death of Officer Diaz is not yet completed and I am not going to rule
out foul play," said a spokesman for Tapachula Prison after the death of
warder Raul Diaz. "It seems that - for reasons we cannot yet officially confirm
- Officer Diaz climbed onto the roof of the building where married prisoners
have their conjugal visits and shortly afterwards fell to his death through
a skylight. One of the couples, who were engaged in sexual congress at the
time, told us they heard the crash of glass and a scream, then saw Officer
Diaz plummeting to his death on the stone floor. A video camera, a pair of
smashed binoculars and a chorizo sausage were found hanging around his neck
and his trousers and shorts were around his knees. A number of pornographic
magazines and sex toys were subsequently found on the roof and a search of
his apartment led to the discovery of a stash of videos, all apparently shot
from the roof of the same building. But, as I say, we are still to be convinced
that this officer had been involved in iniquity."
(Source: La Cronica,
Mexico) |
|
|
