Unusually Stupid Crime Of
The Month |
Brisbane police were called to a McDonald's
outlet this month to intervene in a domestic dispute. According to reports,
one of the combatants had taken to the other with a McDonalds hamburger.
A police spokesman described the messy incident as a "quarter
pounding"
(Source: The Courier-Mail,
Brisbane) |
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Massachusetts: US attorney David
Stern told a judge in Worcester, Massachusetts that the US Drug Enforcement
Administration categorically denied implanting a tracking device in an alleged
mobster's buttocks, despite protestations to the contrary from Vincent "Gigi
Portalla" Marino that US authorities had interfered with his buttocks several
years earlier. "In 1996 I was shot in the left buttock during a gunfight
at the Revere Club," he told the judge. "While the surgeons were removing
the bullet, they put a tracking device in me. A federal drug agent told me
so after they arrested me. He told me I'd have to sign a form if I wanted
it removed. That's how they kept track of me all these years. They've been
listening to private conversations between me and my maker. I say it's a
violation of my constitutional rights." Marino and six other defendants have
been accused of a murderous battle to seize control of the New England mafia.
Marino declined to have his buttocks X-rayed.
(Source: Washington Post)
Brazil: "It appears that the
police superintendent believed in apocalyptic predictions about the
world coming to an end during the solar eclipse," a spokesman for the Justice
Minister of Paraiba Province told reporters. "So he took it on himself on
Tuesday to release all the prisoners from Picui prison so they could enjoy
what little time they had left on Earth. After releasing them from their
cells and telling them that the total eclipse signified the end of the world,
he got drunk with them. And by the time he sobered up, the eclipse was over,
the prisoners had vanished, and he was informed that he no longer worked
for the Paraiba police force."
(Source: Jordan Times)
Swaziland: "The stabbing was
your fault," Prince Jahamnyama said as he halted the trial of one of Romeo
Maseko's wives in Mbabane traditional court. "You have married two women
and Kuteka customs demand that you must therefore visit both of them regularly.
If you deny sex to one of them, then things like this are bound to occur."
Phindile Maseko had already pleaded guilty to the attempted murder of Romeo's
other wife Phindile Msibi, but the Prince reserved his strongest criticism
for the husband. "Listen, if you don't know how to run a polygamous family,
I will teach you. When you notice that one of your women is on heat, you
must send the other one to gather firewood. Then tell the itchy one to enter
your hut and look for a box of snuff. Immediately she enters, you pounce
on her and then she will be cured of her illness. That is how to run a polygamous
family. Take it from one who knows. Case dismissed."
(Source: Times of Swaziland)
Amsterdam: Embarrassed by a
former drug addict's startling confession that he'd stolen 50,000 bicycles
to feed his habit, Amsterdam police said this month that they'd appoint a
special co-ordinator to crack down on the city's most common crime. The
announcement came a day after red-faced city officials formally reprimanded
Amsterdam's top police spokesman for promoting the avowed thief's new book
"100,000 Bike Valves," which includes tips on how to steal a bike.
(Source: Associated Press)
Alabama: Emmett Ayers II needed
to get to the Sheriff's department to pick up his suspended driver's license,
but couldn't drive there without a license. So he allegedly enlisted his
4-year-old nephew to drive the car. A dumbfounded chief jailer and other
deputies said this month that they saw the car pull up with the boy standing
on the driver's seat while Ayers worked the gas and brake from the passenger's
seat.
(Source: CNN)
Another Place To Avoid On
Your Next Vacation |
Honduras: "My men are doing
their best to unblock the pipes," Humberto Puerto told reporters in Tegucigalpa,
"but this is a race against time. If we don't succeed, then mark my words:
when Winter comes there'll be huge explosions of faecal matter all over this
city. It'll be the Hiroshima of shit around here, I tell you. And I don't
intend to see it happen." Puerto, manager of Honduras' National Aqueduct
and Sewerage Network Service, explained the dangers posed to the capital
by its crumbling sewerage system. "Last year Hurricane Mitch destroyed half
of the network and cracked or blocked most of the rest. Sewage has been running
through the streets for months, and the government says it has no money to
rebuild the system. But all over the city there are tanks that are already
full of faecal matter. They could easily explode because of the gases being
produced and the pressure of new fluids. So never mind about terrorist attacks.
If the pipes aren't repaired by the time the rains come, then Tegucigalpa
will turn into a giant faecal bomb. And believe me, the fall-out won't be
pleasant."
(Source: The Times,
Honduras) |
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