Adelaide: "My grandson
loves Mississippi Mudcake," 89-year-old Phyllis Rayer told the media
as she recuperated at her home, "so when I saw a huge one in the bakery window,
I went straight in and bought it for his birthday. It was very moreish, and
I had three big slices at his party, and so did my friend Maria. It
was delicious too. But the next thing I knew I was hurtling through the air,
flying past the stars on a trip to the moon, with bluebirds and giant melons
soaring past me as I floated upwards. I even saw Elvis, Harpo Marx and President
Nixon. I'm telling you, I was completely out of it." Mrs Rayer
had been admitted to Adelaide Hospital earlier in the day along five other
elderly guests, all of whom were diagnosed as suffering from acute narcotics
poisoning. "It didn't take us long to trace the problem back to the bakery,"
a hospital spokesman said. "It seems that one employee had baked
a very strong marijuana chocolate cake for a colleague as a birthday
treat, but another worker had unwittingly sold it to Mrs. Rayer." Police
decided not to prosecute the bakery after hearing that the two workers had
been sacked.
(Source: Herald-Sun, Melbourne)
Lismore: "Dear Davidapushna,
I just wanted to let you know that I have decided not
to marry you. Your mother called me up and begged me to either put a hyphen
in my name or not go through with the marriage. She offered me a large sum
of money if I would agree to do either. Numerologically, putting a hyphen
in my name would throw my whole life out of balance and ruin our marriage
anyway. I told her that I would much rather not marry you than ruin
the rest of my life, which would ruin your life, with the hyphenated name.
So happy solstice, Davidapushna. I hope you can get the deposit back
on the laundromat as the wedding venue. Peace on all paths and planes. I
am at one with the universe, and I can't wait to spend your mother's money
on more spiritual enlightenment. Mareeka."
(Source: Letter to the Northern Rivers Echo, Lismore)
Allentown: A 41-year-old Allentown
man known to police as "The Naked Bandit" pleaded guilty last month to robbing
a string of convenience stores while in the nude. Ex-Marine Stanley Heiserman
told police he'd stolen $400 from a roadside mini-market while naked except
for the underwear on his head. And days later, in the final crime that led
to his arrest, he recounted to police how two cashiers in a convenience store
had handed over some money before bursting into laughter as he left.
(Source: Reuters)
Houston: Willie Johnson was
at a relative's house in Louisiana watching a Jerry Springer episode on drag
queens that featured a televised battle between him and his sister when police
knocked on his door. Moments later, Johnson found that his 15 minutes of
fame on Springer's show had helped Texas police locate him about an outstanding
warrant connected with last month's stabbing of his sister's common-law husband.
"Nobody told me Springer's show was national," Johnson said.
(Source: Associated Press)
Cincinnati: A music professor
has sued officials of Miami University of Ohio, alleging they violated his
First Amendment rights by refusing to let him wear a thong-style swimsuit
in the school's pool.
(Source: Reuters)
Oshawa: Three suspects who made
a break for freedom as they were being led from a police van for a court
appearance in Ontario last month had their spontaneous escape foiled a few
seconds later when they all ran straight into a lamppost. "It was like something
out an old Three Stooges movie," an onlooker said. "But judging by the looks
on their faces as the police took them away, I don't think they appreciated
everyone laughing."
(Source: CNN)
Sydney: Prison escapee John
Killick and his accomplice, Lucy Dudko, were back behind bars last month
following their daring helicopter escape from Silverwater Prison in March,
blaming poor household budgeting for the demise of their six
weeks of life on the run. According to authorities, the couple had escaped
"on impulse" and only realised they didn't have the cash to fund a low-profile
lifestyle until after the event. By the time 6 weeks had passed, they were
so desperate for money they tried to rob a motel in Footscray, Victoria
- and so inept that they drove the motel manager 1000km away to Sydney, dropped
him off there, took his ATM card and car and checked into a local caravan
park, disguising themselves with badly-dyed hair and ill-fitting wigs. "Honestly,
they're probably better off in prison," a spokesman said. "The outside world's
just a bit too big for them, if you know what I mean."
(Source: The Courier-Mail, Brisbane)
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