Stupid Crime - True Stories About Dumb Criminals
 Updated Monthly Because They're Indefensible

February 1999 

 

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California: When Alphonse Lee Woods appeared in California's Superior Court recently on charges of drug possession, trespassing and obstruction of justice, Woods had yet to post bail - so he appeared in handcuffs and attired in orange prison garb. Unusually, Woods was defended by his attorney Frank Dornay, 44, who also was handcuffed and wearing orange prison garb. Dornay had failed to submit to a mandatory urine drug test as a condition of his own probation on drug-related charges.
(Source: Unknown   Spotter: Miller Duncan)

Port Stephens: A 55-year-old man will appear in Raymond Terrace court soon after NSW Water Police raided his 34-foot cruiser on New Years Day and discovered a one-metre crocodile in the boat's shower recess, along with 11 semi-automatic pistols, assault rifles, a machine gun and a hand grenade. According to the man, he'd taken the crocodile from northern Queensland after fearing that it wouldn't live. Police had been tipped off after the man began boasting in local hotels and the marina that he had a saltwater crocodile on his boat. "He just boasted a few too many times," Snr Constable Ross Cramp of Port Stephens water police said. Meanwhile, Tomaree National Park ranger Mr George Malolakis kept the crocodile at home for a night before taking it to Taronga Park Zoo in Sydney, where it will be quarantined for a short period before being released back into the wild. "The kids loved it," he said. "We had it in the bathroom to keep it warm and in the kitchen for breakfast." The maximum penalty for possessing protected fauna under the National Parks and Wildlife Act is an $11,000 fine and/or six months' jail.
(Source: Sydney Morning Herald   Spotter: Janet)

Canberra: The Australian Bomb Data Centre at the Federal Police HQ in Canberra has issued a check list for bomb threats. The check list requests that all officers who receive bomb threats over the phone ask the following questions:

  1. When is the bomb going to explode?
  2. Where did you put the bomb?
  3. When did you put it there?
  4. What does the bomb look like?
  5. What kind of bomb is it?
  6. What will make the bomb explode?
  7. Did you place the bomb?
  8. Why did you place the bomb?
  9. What is your name?
  10. Where are you?
  11. What is your address?
  12. What's the exact wording of your threat?

Helpful criminals or terrorists who decide to answer all 12 questions are assured of a speedy phone tap and prompt arrest. However, slightly smarter criminals who decide to mail in their answers in the hope of winning a lucky door prize - providing they skip questions 9 and 11 - will probably be able to blow things up in complete anonymity.
(Source: Australian Bomb Data Centre Bomb Threat Check List)

Sydney: In what may be an innovative early reaction to Australia's new, tighter gun control laws, two men allegedly required hospital treatment after being attacked by a didgeridoo player and another man in central Sydney last month. Central Local Court heard that John White, 44, and Stephen John Curley, 31, had assaulted two men with the wooden instrument, and that one of the victims had required brain scans at a hospital afterwards. White and Curley were charged with robbery in company, assault, and robbery with an offensive weapon. Both men entered no pleas.
(Source: Courier-Mail, Brisbane)

Tokyo: Tokyo school board officials have suspended a teacher for three months after students and fellow staff members complained about the unnamed 28-year-old's behaviour on a school camping expedition. According to reports, the teacher was angry that two junior high students had bought candy along on the trip and did not offer to share. To punish them, the teacher placed two hunting knives in front of the students and told them to disembowel themselves, saying that ritual suicide was the only honourable course they could take. When the students refused, the teacher then attacked them with a tent pole. He was finally restrained by colleagues when he began to fashion a noose from a guy rope. School board officials said that they accepted that the teacher had overstepped the mark and that ordering students to commit Hara Kiri is no longer acceptable in Japanese schools. "However, in his defence, the teacher did say he was annoyed with them," a spokesperson added.
(Source: United Press International)

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